So I’m not sure this is a blog for my wider Facebook family but a blog is a blog and it wouldn’t be complete without some real honesty!
So there have been a few things I’ve been thinking about/struggling with since I’ve been over here and I guess that was the whole point of getting away… to ‘find myself’ or whatever, sort myself out a bit… Well I guess the process has started.
Firstly, who the fuck am I?? I feel caught between a 20 year old party girl and a 30 year old woman who wants to settle down and I can’t decide which is the true ‘me’. I guess both are really, a transition from a younger version of myself into what inevitably most people become (or try their damnest to avoid!!). I guess my heart tells me it’s the latter that I really crave but I just can’t seem to let go of the fun, confidence & lack of inhibition that comes with partying…. But maybe that’s a deeper issue!!!!! Damn I miss being young & carefree lol
Secondly, and I guess a follow on from the first (and actually one that wasn’t an issue at home)… Is age really just a number? I have to say I feel pretty old here meeting 20/21 year olds all the time but I guess that’s what happens when I try to keep up with the partying in a place like this! I still much prefer having a nice meal, a beautiful bottle of wine and maybe then onto a classy wine bar, but then ‘when in Rome’ I guess!! That has given way to grungy bars, rave style nightclubs, all night drinking & dancing and the inevitable hangover!!! Basically I feel like I’ve reverted back to being a student!!! Ahhhhh lol think I’ve done my 20’s backwards or something … On the plus side apparently I still look 24… Bonus 😉
I tried last night to sit in a crowded bar on my own and not feel self-conscious or feel the need to talk to someone but it seems even drunk this is a hard task. The human inclination is to be social and society makes us feel like losers if we don’t blend in and be ‘normal’… Whatever that is. This means that solo travel is amazing and hard all at the same time. I love that I can do what I want when I want and not have to answer to anyone else, but it can also be a bit lonely. I meet lots of people don’t get me wrong, but those connections are often short lived and even empty so I’m totally craving some real connections with people… I’m getting there I suppose.
So I guess that’s it, my inner thinkings and private thoughts all out in the open!!! I’m sure that I will come out of this journey a different person and I’m happy about that, so that when I get home I can get on with the rest of my life with a better outlook on things… And hopefully being happier with myself x