Although coming home from travelling was a relatively easy thing to do as I had serious travellers fatigue and was actually really looking forward to seeing my friends and family, the reality of actually being home was very different.
Anyone that has been travelling will tell you that re-entering ‘reality’, having to get a job and generally going back to ‘normal’ life sucks…but I really wasn’t prepared for just how hard re-adjusting would be.
In fact I actually laughed at the prospect, saying “I’d fit straight back in”, but I guess like hundreds of travellers returning home after such an amazing experience, I did in fact feel very alone, scared, lost and depressed. My perspective on everything had changed significantly and therefore my old life now seemed all wrong for me.
All the advice says to re-adjust slowly, get back into a routine, make some new friends and keep in touch with travelling buddies…but I was resisting doing anything. I didn’t want to ‘get back into a routine’ as I was so scared that everything I had learnt, everything that was new about me would disappear if I even slightly fell back into my old life.
After a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself I slowly, without even noticing, started making progress…I bought a new SIM card (big steps I know!), unpacked and started looking for a job.
Then I started meeting up with friends and went back to some old haunts in Clapham/Brixton….this made everything clear. I was such a different person to when I left that I was ‘over’ London. I realised that for the last 3-4 years I’d been forcing (though I totally bought into it & loved it at the time) this ‘Clapham’ yuppie lifestyle and it had made me snobby & very judgmental. I still love a lot of the things & people that came with that life but I’ve realised it’s just not fully ‘me’!
I think that’s why I was struggling with this dual persona that I pointed out in my post ‘Honesty‘:
“I feel caught between a 20 year old party girl and a 30 year old woman who wants to settle down and I can’t decide which is the true ‘me’.”
I’m young at heart and my Clapham life was making me older than my years, and so I was locked on to making my life into a perfect middle class Clapham example … which I was struggling to achieve…. it was exhausting and ultimately not good for me.
Since then I have been able to take a step back and see all of the ‘dominos‘ that have led me down a path to who I really am (I lost myself there for a while!)… Something I haven’t felt since University! So light bulb moment!!! And rather cliché I guess, but it’s a cliché for a reason… I ‘found’ myself again!!! (Ok cheese over!)
Anyway, It’s been 3.5 months now since I’ve been back and I’m glad to say I no longer feel lost or depressed and I’m glad to report that all the good stuff I’d learnt (unsurprisingly) still remains and I haven’t slipped back into my old life or self. My plan now is to ‘turn the corner’ into my new life – of which this blog is a part – and get my ass out of Blighty to see what more this amazing world has to offer!!